Tag Archives: Bible

Am I Good Enough?

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My parents divorced when I was three. My dad remarried and had a beautiful new family. They were happy. For years, I blamed myself for the divorce and thought… I wasn’t good enough.

I was a rebellious teenager and had low self-esteem. I made stupid decisions. The divorce, although it may have contributed to my issues, did not give me an excuse to hurt others. These were my choices, and I was a mess.

Then, my life changed. I met my one-of-a-kind husband.

We began dating, and I told him about all my mistakes. ALL. THE. UGLY. It hurt saying it out loud.

He responded, without hesitation, “You’re human. We all make mistakes. God still loves you.”

No one had ever said those words to me. I had been judged, others tried to fix me or make excuses for my choices. Not him – he accepted me. The real (not-so-great) me.

After that, I truly understood “grace” — undeserved kindness. And, I knew he was a keeper!

When we were newly married, my past still haunted me. I was afraid I would be a statistic. The lies in my head were… You are a child of divorce. You’ve made so many mistakes. How can you be good enough to deserve a wonderful husband and healthy marriage?

Even though I was thankful for my husband, we struggled. Argued. Cried together. Soldiered through having babies and wrestled with how to parent. Real-life, normal character-building stuff.

Fast forward 16 years, and I can finally see the positive that came from the divorce. God took my pain and turned it to good.

  • I have a bond with my mom that will never be broken – single moms are the hardest working people I know. Here’s an up-close and personal post about the tough job of a single momma: To the Single Mom: You are my Hero
  • I have two amazing half-siblings. A whole new family. And now, three adorable nephews. Major perks!
  • I was blessed with a sweet step-mom. Two weeks after I had a life-changing call with her and my dad, we went on vacation to have a “do over” for our relationship. Time to rebuild. She had a massive stroke that weekend. You can read the full story here: Please Don’t Die
  • My marriage is a blessing. Not perfect. We still have struggles. But, it’s based on our faith in God with real, honest communication.

God can turn bad choices into good.

“He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5

Here’s what I want you to remember when you’re asking yourself, Am I good enough?

  • Your past mistakes don’t define who you are. They shape you, mold you, but they don’t define you.
  • You are not a statistic until you’re a statistic.
  • If you are a child of divorce, that does not define your marriage. You are you. The past does not have to repeat itself.
  • You are forgiven. Forgive yourself.
  • Share your story, it helps others who are struggling with the same issues. You are never alone in your struggle.
  • YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are.image8

 

My Husband’s Other Woman

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I could see the excitement in my kindergartener’s eyes as we walked through the lunch line together — his first real experience in the school cafeteria. He had begged me the night before to join him. We talked at lunch, enjoyed our milk and pizza, but it was over all too soon. He lined up with his class to resume the daily activities, and that’s when it happened.

He ran in full force straight to me, leaped into my arms (no joke, I almost fell over) and gave me the biggest hug & kiss ever. Ever. And, it was in front of his whole class.

Melt.

As I was walking to the car, happy tears streamed. How am I this blessed? I’m his #1 gal, he truly loves me.

Just like in my normal {unhealthy} style, I couldn’t stay in the joyous moment. I had to start thinking about the future.

I pray for him to find the love of his life and marry one day. I’ll be cheering from the sidelines as he and his wife create a beautiful family.

Daydream.

“A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:24

But that also means, I will no longer be his #1 gal. I’ll be a mother-in-law.

End of dream.

I want to get this on record before I become a mother-in-law – I think they get a bad rap! I know some of you must be thinking, She can’t possibly know what I have to deal with.

It’s true, I don’t know your circumstances. But, I’m certain of this:

Your mother-in-law is not perfect. No one is.

Your mother-in-law will not always say and do the right things. No one does.

Your mother-in-law needs forgiveness. Everyone does.

husbands-other-woman-meme

I highly respect my mother-in-law. She raised an amazing, Godly man who is now my husband. What a gift! Early in our marriage, I respected her so much that I expected perfection. When she made mistakes, I couldn’t believe it. I judged her at a higher standard.

After 16 years, we’ve had our ups-and-downs. We’ve had misunderstandings and disagreements. We’ve said things we regret. I’ve put up walls. {And, I write this with her approval first.}

But this I know for sure, we love and forgive each other. When we mess up, we extend grace.

No matter what, I must always remember … my mother-in-law used to be my husband’s #1 gal.

He will only have one mother.

And, I can’t imagine the difficulty it is for her to step-aside and cheer from the sidelines.

So, I know. There are tough personalities and family issues. But, that relationship with your mother-in-law, it’s important to your husband and your marriage.

Keep the peace. Restore that strong family bond. Love and forgive.

 

 

 

 

That time I wanted to help another woman’s husband…

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It happened many years ago at a work picnic. My husband and I were talking to some executives from the company where my husband worked. These men and women were the boss of the boss of my husband’s boss. My husband was just starting his career, he was low on the totem-pole and these social events were a new world to us.

One of the older couples stuck out. They were sweet, talkative and had been married many years. They shared about their upcoming retirement, and the guys had a great time chatting about old cars. You know, their fantasy toy cars. {Please tell me my husband is not the only one!}

Snooze.

Then, the conversation shifted and the wife said loudly to all of us, “My husband has no clue about what we can and can’t afford. He has no financial discipline. He has no concept of what we actually need for retirement, that’s why I am in charge of our finances.”

Cringe.

Years have passed, and I still cringe. The husband’s shoulders sunk, his cheeks turned rosy red. He was speechless. Tension filled the room. We sensed his embarrassment, and an awkward silence followed.

All I wanted to do was hug him. And, scream at her.

I kept my mouth shut.

He looked like a helpless bruised, shamed teddy bear.

Shortly thereafter, they left the party. My mind raced about the fight they were having.

I couldn’t help but think … That’s Wife 101. She knew better.

As we were headed home that evening, I had a range of emotions.

First, I felt guilty about judging her. I don’t know what transpired before this party. Perhaps she was fully justified with her feelings. Regardless, it still was not the time to talk about his shortcomings.

It is easy to see flaws in others, right? But, the Bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:15, “Look for the best in each other.”

I need to work on that.

Then, I started to self-reflect. I needed to ask my husband:

Have I ever made you feel disrespected?

But, I was afraid of his response.

Rick Warren says, “The quality of your life will be determined by the kind of questions you have the courage to ask yourself.”

I finally asked my husband, and it led to a great, lengthy conversation about love and respect. I was reminded to watch my words and think before I speak.

“Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:13

 So, remember that question I finally got the courage to ask my husband…

What would your husband say?