Tag Archives: Devotional

Am I Good Enough?

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My parents divorced when I was three. My dad remarried and had a beautiful new family. They were happy. For years, I blamed myself for the divorce and thought… I wasn’t good enough.

I was a rebellious teenager and had low self-esteem. I made stupid decisions. The divorce, although it may have contributed to my issues, did not give me an excuse to hurt others. These were my choices, and I was a mess.

Then, my life changed. I met my one-of-a-kind husband.

We began dating, and I told him about all my mistakes. ALL. THE. UGLY. It hurt saying it out loud.

He responded, without hesitation, “You’re human. We all make mistakes. God still loves you.”

No one had ever said those words to me. I had been judged, others tried to fix me or make excuses for my choices. Not him – he accepted me. The real (not-so-great) me.

After that, I truly understood “grace” — undeserved kindness. And, I knew he was a keeper!

When we were newly married, my past still haunted me. I was afraid I would be a statistic. The lies in my head were… You are a child of divorce. You’ve made so many mistakes. How can you be good enough to deserve a wonderful husband and healthy marriage?

Even though I was thankful for my husband, we struggled. Argued. Cried together. Soldiered through having babies and wrestled with how to parent. Real-life, normal character-building stuff.

Fast forward 16 years, and I can finally see the positive that came from the divorce. God took my pain and turned it to good.

  • I have a bond with my mom that will never be broken – single moms are the hardest working people I know. Here’s an up-close and personal post about the tough job of a single momma: To the Single Mom: You are my Hero
  • I have two amazing half-siblings. A whole new family. And now, three adorable nephews. Major perks!
  • I was blessed with a sweet step-mom. Two weeks after I had a life-changing call with her and my dad, we went on vacation to have a “do over” for our relationship. Time to rebuild. She had a massive stroke that weekend. You can read the full story here: Please Don’t Die
  • My marriage is a blessing. Not perfect. We still have struggles. But, it’s based on our faith in God with real, honest communication.

God can turn bad choices into good.

“He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5

Here’s what I want you to remember when you’re asking yourself, Am I good enough?

  • Your past mistakes don’t define who you are. They shape you, mold you, but they don’t define you.
  • You are not a statistic until you’re a statistic.
  • If you are a child of divorce, that does not define your marriage. You are you. The past does not have to repeat itself.
  • You are forgiven. Forgive yourself.
  • Share your story, it helps others who are struggling with the same issues. You are never alone in your struggle.
  • YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are.image8

 

Am I Clingy?

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As I watched the furry caterpillars wrap around his sweet little hands, I couldn’t believe how they clung to his skin. It was like plush tape on his fingers, needing to be peeled off. They were completely attached, hanging on, resisting separation.

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When you think of the word “cling” – what comes to mind? For me, it’s my sweet four-year-old son screaming, in different tones and at various noise levels … “Mommy, Mommeeee, Mommmmmeeeeee!” I hope I’m not the only one who experiences this lovely array of sounds. I love it, but really, he needs me ALL the time!

In Luke 17, beginning in verse 11, we learn about the ten men with leprosy. They seek Jesus so He can heal them. They yell, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” Those men clung to Jesus with desperation for the hope of healing.

Jesus gave them instructions to go to the priests. And, they were healed. I love this extra lesson here – listen to God always, even when the instructions may not make sense. Jesus could’ve healed them instantly, but He chose to give them directions. They listened and were healed.

Then, we learn in verse 15 that only one returned to thank Jesus. Life was good now, all was right with the world, and only one had the time to praise Jesus for this miracle. The audacity of those ungrateful nine little punks! No more clinging or crying out to Jesus in desperation.

Ouch! I’m guilty of being an ungrateful little punk, I shouldn’t judge. I remember the recent storms in my life – miscarriage, prenatal depression – the days when I was desperately seeking God. I would let nothing separate us. I was like a clingy caterpillar constantly praying … Jesus, carry me through this moment. It’s You and me, Jesus. Only You can do this, I cannot.

Then, God healed me and blessed our family. I was so thankful for the restoration. But today, as things are going well, I no longer constantly think those thoughts. I am grateful and thank Him, but I don’t desperately seek Him like a clingy caterpillar. I’ve gotten caught-up in my worldly bliss and busyness.

I will strive to cling, to grasp, to seek God with every decision. I will be like my son, seeking a parent ALL the time. I will desperately hold on to Jesus always, not just for life’s tumultuous storms. In every moment, I want to be a clingy caterpillar.

“Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
grace me with your clear revelation.
I choose the true road to Somewhere,
I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
God, don’t let me down!
I’ll run the course you lay out for me
if you’ll just show me how.
God, teach me lessons for living so
I can stay the course.”
Psalms 119:29-33 (The Message)