Am I Good Enough?

My parents divorced when I was three. My dad remarried and had a beautiful new family. They were happy. For years, I blamed myself for the divorce and thought… I wasn’t good enough.

I was a rebellious teenager and had low self-esteem. I made stupid decisions. The divorce, although it may have contributed to my issues, did not give me an excuse to hurt others. These were my choices, and I was a mess.

Then, my life changed. I met my one-of-a-kind husband.

We began dating, and I told him about all my mistakes. ALL. THE. UGLY. It hurt saying it out loud.

He responded, without hesitation, “You’re human. We all make mistakes. God still loves you.”

No one had ever said those words to me. I had been judged, others tried to fix me or make excuses for my choices. Not him – he accepted me. The real (not-so-great) me.

After that, I truly understood “grace” — undeserved kindness. And, I knew he was a keeper!

When we were newly married, my past still haunted me. I was afraid I would be a statistic. The lies in my head were… You are a child of divorce. You’ve made so many mistakes. How can you be good enough to deserve a wonderful husband and healthy marriage?

Even though I was thankful for my husband, we struggled. Argued. Cried together. Soldiered through having babies and wrestled with how to parent. Real-life, normal character-building stuff.

Fast forward 16 years, and I can finally see the positive that came from the divorce. God took my pain and turned it to good.

  • I have a bond with my mom that will never be broken – single moms are the hardest working people I know. Here’s an up-close and personal post about the tough job of a single momma: To the Single Mom: You are my Hero
  • I have two amazing half-siblings. A whole new family. And now, three adorable nephews. Major perks!
  • I was blessed with a sweet step-mom. Two weeks after I had a life-changing call with her and my dad, we went on vacation to have a “do over” for our relationship. Time to rebuild. She had a massive stroke that weekend. You can read the full story here: Please Don’t Die
  • My marriage is a blessing. Not perfect. We still have struggles. But, it’s based on our faith in God with real, honest communication.

God can turn bad choices into good.

“He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5

Here’s what I want you to remember when you’re asking yourself, Am I good enough?

  • Your past mistakes don’t define who you are. They shape you, mold you, but they don’t define you.
  • You are not a statistic until you’re a statistic.
  • If you are a child of divorce, that does not define your marriage. You are you. The past does not have to repeat itself.
  • You are forgiven. Forgive yourself.
  • Share your story, it helps others who are struggling with the same issues. You are never alone in your struggle.
  • YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are.image8


Please Don’t Die

We had enjoyed a wonderful day together. We hiked, she beat us all to the finish line. We went to a carnival, I especially remember the fun on the water bumper boats. We rode horses on a beautiful trail. We had just finished dinner at Pizza Hut, then decided to play putt-putt before heading back to our hotel.

As we played putt-putt and laughed hysterically, she yelled, “Stop! I’m going to pee in my pants!”

So then, we began to plan her 40th birthday party. My half-sister and I joked that we would have “over-the-hill” signs everywhere!

As she stepped up to the eighteenth hole, something went terribly wrong.

She collapsed.

I caught her head, but she was unresponsive. My dad held her, and we went to get help.

In those moments, life seemed to stop.

I felt sick, like I had been kicked in the stomach.

Even now, remembering the memories, it plays in slow motion. SLOW.

I remember crying in the bathroom and repeating in my head, Please don’t die. I can’t tell your kids they’ve lost their mother.

That was 13 years ago on Father’s Day weekend. She was my step-mom. She had a massive stroke at 39 years old and died within 48 hours. It was a tragic and devastating loss.

There were no words for the numbness and pain.

Two weeks prior to her death, I was sitting in church and realized I needed to forgive both my dad and step-mom. It was in my heart, an urgent prompting like never before. Our relationship was not good, I was young and immature. To be quite honest, I was bitter and jealous.

I finally got up the courage to contact them. I apologized, and they did too. We cried. My gracious step-mom asked if we would like to go away for Father’s Day weekend.

She said, “We will start over as a family and re-build.”

That was the weekend she died. It was supposed to be a weekend of restoration and moving forward. It became even more.

I learned a major life lesson — Do what God asks now. Don’t procrastinate.

I was forever changed… the day she died.

God speaks directly to our hearts. The Bible tells us that He puts the Holy Spirit in our hearts to lead and prompt us, when we accept Jesus as our Lord.

In Acts 2:38, Peter says, “Change your life. Turn to God and be baptized, each of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so your sins are forgiven. Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

In Galatians 5:16, we learn to “let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”

Our human nature tends to ignore God. We don’t want the hassle, don’t have the time, we simply don’t want to deal with our issues. It’s not always easy or comfortable to do what God asks.

No matter what, follow God. Listen for His voice. Seek His advice. Do what He asks now, and don’t procrastinate. I know from experience, you may not get another chance.