Author Archives: Mandy Majors

About Mandy Majors

Mandy Majors grew up in a small Indiana town and graduated from Indiana University with a BA in political science and criminal justice. She's been happily married to her best friend, Matt, for 23 years, and together they're raising two teens in Texas. Mandy is the of the award-winning books, "TALK: A Practical Approach to Cyberparenting and Open Communication" and "Keeping Kids Safe in a Digital World: A Solution That Works" and founder/executive director of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization passionate about keeping kids safe online by creating a culture of honest conversation in homes, churches and schools. Mandy’s time is split between researching, team building, speaking, writing and talking to her family about everything. And she’s completely addicted to Diet Coke.

Am I Good Enough?

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My parents divorced when I was three. My dad remarried and had a beautiful new family. They were happy. For years, I blamed myself for the divorce and thought… I wasn’t good enough.

I was a rebellious teenager and had low self-esteem. I made stupid decisions. The divorce, although it may have contributed to my issues, did not give me an excuse to hurt others. These were my choices, and I was a mess.

Then, my life changed. I met my one-of-a-kind husband.

We began dating, and I told him about all my mistakes. ALL. THE. UGLY. It hurt saying it out loud.

He responded, without hesitation, “You’re human. We all make mistakes. God still loves you.”

No one had ever said those words to me. I had been judged, others tried to fix me or make excuses for my choices. Not him – he accepted me. The real (not-so-great) me.

After that, I truly understood “grace” — undeserved kindness. And, I knew he was a keeper!

When we were newly married, my past still haunted me. I was afraid I would be a statistic. The lies in my head were… You are a child of divorce. You’ve made so many mistakes. How can you be good enough to deserve a wonderful husband and healthy marriage?

Even though I was thankful for my husband, we struggled. Argued. Cried together. Soldiered through having babies and wrestled with how to parent. Real-life, normal character-building stuff.

Fast forward 16 years, and I can finally see the positive that came from the divorce. God took my pain and turned it to good.

  • I have a bond with my mom that will never be broken – single moms are the hardest working people I know. Here’s an up-close and personal post about the tough job of a single momma: To the Single Mom: You are my Hero
  • I have two amazing half-siblings. A whole new family. And now, three adorable nephews. Major perks!
  • I was blessed with a sweet step-mom. Two weeks after I had a life-changing call with her and my dad, we went on vacation to have a “do over” for our relationship. Time to rebuild. She had a massive stroke that weekend. You can read the full story here: Please Don’t Die
  • My marriage is a blessing. Not perfect. We still have struggles. But, it’s based on our faith in God with real, honest communication.

God can turn bad choices into good.

“He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5

Here’s what I want you to remember when you’re asking yourself, Am I good enough?

  • Your past mistakes don’t define who you are. They shape you, mold you, but they don’t define you.
  • You are not a statistic until you’re a statistic.
  • If you are a child of divorce, that does not define your marriage. You are you. The past does not have to repeat itself.
  • You are forgiven. Forgive yourself.
  • Share your story, it helps others who are struggling with the same issues. You are never alone in your struggle.
  • YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are.image8

 

What Parents Need to Know about Porn

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I’m standing in the grocery store checkout line, looking at magazines covered with picture-perfect women.

I need to exercise more. Do not pick-up that candy bar. NO!! I’m such a hypocrite. I need to practice what I preach to my daughter — these photos are altered and aren’t real-life. Get a grip.

As the superficial, yet real struggle raced through my mind, I heard my phone.

I reached in my purse and was shocked to see the text I received:

“For live nudity available right now, click here.”

I’ve had my same mobile number for over 10 years and have never received an inappropriate text, until a couple of weeks ago. My mind immediately raced to the last known place where I provided my mobile number. Maybe a rewards program? A retailer’s coupon feed?

I was worried my daughter had received the text on her phone at school. So, later that day, I posted to social media to see if anyone else had received a similar text.

The response shocked me. Many people (including kids) who were AT&T customers had received the same live nudity text within a 48-hour period.

I contacted AT&T. They said spam is a multi-carrier problem and provided me information on how to block subsequent texts and open an investigation.

Then, I was contacted by a local news reporter. You can see the story here:

Mom warns of X-rated texts being sent to cell phones

A week after the story aired, I was notified by others (who had different carriers) of similar pornographic texts. So, it’s definitely not isolated to AT&T.

Regardless of the specific carrier, I think this presents a great opportunity to talk with parents, school officials and kids about how to handle inappropriate pictures and messages on any electronic device. We can join together, support each other and encourage open communication about pornography in general.

Here’s what parents need to know about porn: It’s addictive. It leads to early sexual activity. It is degrading. It’s the new drug we’re fighting. It is a money-making industry which depends on getting our kids addicted early. Many children, even as young as kindergarten, are being exposed to pornography due to the access to smartphones and tablets. It’s not just for boys. Girls are seeing it as a representation on how their bodies should look, so it becomes a body-image issue.

Shortly after the news story aired, I was contacted by Claudine Gallacher, Deputy Director of Porn Proof Kids. She saw the story and wanted to talk more about the actual texts. She was the writing coach and researcher for a book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures (by Kristen A. Jenson and Gail A. Poyner) which uses a scientific approach to teaching children about pornography. One thing she taught me, “We need kids to identify what pornography is and learn to name it. By thinking (or saying out loud) the words ‘that’s pornography’ when we see a pornographic image, we move those pictures from the feeling part of the brain to the thinking part of the brain.” I LOVE that, and I highly recommend their book.

Texts are extremely dangerous because there is no way to block that first initial text. They are not like Internet pop-ups or pornographic emails which can be blocked through parental controls — we’ve dealt with this type of porn forever. Pornographic texts are new, they come directly to your phone number and there is no parental control or other way to block that first initial text. Kids can see it. Only subsequent texts from that number can be blocked, after the original one has already been seen. This is what I tell my children to do if they receive a pornographic text (and what I teach in MomTalk*):

1- Turn off your phone immediately.

2- Do not ever show another child. (Most school districts have major consequences if they do.)

3- Report the text to me immediately so I can block future texts and report to our carrier.

I don’t think the solution is to shelter our kids and say no to all technology. I think we can slowly expose our kids to technology and social media, then walk hand-in-hand and learn together, continually talking.

I also used these texts as an opportunity to discuss the issue with my school principal and superintendent. I received quick, informative responses; our district has actually been working on training for staff and students. Here were my questions (and feel free to use with your own school districts):

1- Do we have a district policy to govern pornographic pictures being shown on school property?

2- How do we communicate that policy to parents and kids? (Most parents I’ve talked to do not know they’re supposed to report any pornographic issues to school officials.)

3- What are the consequences for kids if they show pornographic pictures on school property? And, is that clearly communicated to parents and kids in our schools?

And, on an even broader scope:

How is the school district ensuring that classrooms are technologically safe for children? How are teachers trained to handle surprises when internet filters fail?

Do we understand the personal responsibility kids have for their own electronic devices? They are held responsible for the things they show to other kids.

We can take these bad texts, turn them around and use them for good. Unite parents and school officials so we can teach our kids valuable life lessons. I believe this is a teachable moment for all of us.

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To the Single Mom: You Are My Hero

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I sat in my third grade class listening to the writing assignment, our chairs arranged in a circle with the teacher sitting directly across from me. It was the week after returning from Spring Break, and our writing prompt was, “For Spring Break, we…”

Kid after kid stood up nervously and read their own personal essays about their families going on vacation. Skiing. Disney. Beach.

My heart hurt.

I felt like something was wrong with me. I was crying inside.

Why didn’t I have a normal family?

My essay highlight was the snuggle-time on the couch with my mom late Friday night when she got home from work. We watched a movie and made popcorn. I loved every second. I don’t remember the movie, but I remember how loved I felt.

At the time, I thought my essay was dumb and lacked a good story. Today, I think of it very differently.

My parents divorced when I was three. I don’t ever remember what it was like having a mom and dad under one roof. But, I have these colorful, vivid memories of my childhood because I was raised by the most amazing single mom:

*I remember my mom always working two jobs at the same time. Sometimes three.

*I remember hunting for spare change in the car for a McDonald’s cheeseburger. She bought one for me, she would go without.

*I remember when I had middle school cheerleading tryouts, and she got up early to make pancakes that spelled “Good Luck.” She had worked past midnight the evening before. When I got to school, all my friends received good luck balloons and huge floral arrangements. Dozens of roses. I knew she couldn’t afford any, and I was perfectly content with my pancakes. But around lunch, my name was called to the office because I got the most amazing single rose I’ve ever received with the sweetest words on the card that said,

“No matter what, I love you.”

*I remember when I made the cheerleading squad, and I received the take-home paper listing the fees for my spirit jacket. I cried in the school bathroom because I didn’t know how we would pay for it. The moment she saw me that day, she knew something was wrong. I could barely get out that we couldn’t afford for me to be cheerleader when she said, “I will take care of this. Do not worry.” She did take care of it…every single time. I still have that jacket, and I’ll never throw it away. It’s a symbol of my mom’s love for me. Her dedication. Her hard work.

*I remember when we could barely afford to pay our electricity bill, but yet I would watch her give to those in need.

*I remember going to the diner where she waitressed and a man was very disrespectful to her. I ached inside. Later, I said, “Please quit that job.” She didn’t, she kept working hard.

*I remember someone telling her once that she could quit at least one of her jobs and be eligible for food stamps. My mom said, “No. I can work. I’m able.”

*I remember my mom crying in the bathroom (behind closed doors and with the sink water turned on) when she didn’t know I could hear.

I’m a mom now. I know how hard it is. She worked 12+ hours a day, came home and LOVED me. She didn’t just raise me. She spent time with me. She always made time for me.

She disciplined. She was strict (too strict sometimes). She was a great mom, but we were also best friends. It was she and I, facing the odds, standing strong together.

She cuddled me when I cried. She was my protector. She taught me to work hard and give generously.

She was my maid of honor at my wedding because there was no other person who had walked through life with me the way she did (and continues to).

The two of us… we were a normal family. And now, as I think back to that third grade assignment, I cherish those times I remember with her. No big fancy vacations. No expensive clothes. No big home – mostly only rentals in trailer parks and apartments.

Just QUALITY time. The most important thing to give a child… she got it right.

I spent half my life wishing I had a different one. And now, I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything. I’m proud of my family… my mom and my dad.*

To the single mom: You are my hero. I see what you do. I know how hard you work. I know you’re busy because you have to do everything, but keep investing that QUALITY time. You will have an unbreakable and special bond with your kids. No one will ever be able to take it away.
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*My dad and I had a “start over” moment when I was newly married. I love him so. He had his own struggles when I was little. We all have them. We’re all doing the best we can. It has been amazing and awesome to watch our relationship grow. Healing and forgiveness is possible, with God. I’m so proud of you, Dad!