Talking to my Kids about Sex

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My six-year-old and nine-year-old jumped in the car and excitedly said, “Guess what we did at recess today?”

“What?”

“We caught ladybugs and manbugs. They got on top of each other and were mating!”

My heart dropped. And then I hesitantly asked, “Do you know what that means?”

“No.”

Deep breaths. Count to ten.

1368747_ladybugs_mating_2Several months prior, a friend had recommended Dannah Gresh’s books, “Six Ways to Keep the ‘Little’ in Your Girl” and “Six Ways to Keep the ‘Good’ in Your Boy”. As God began to prepare my heart, I prayed daily that He would give me the exact words for my kids. And, He did.

I began by asking questions to find out how much my oldest child knew. We read the first story where God mentions sex.

Genesis 4:1 says, “Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.”

We talked about being a virgin and why Jesus’ birth was a miracle. Mary had obeyed God and was a virgin when she married. God miraculously put Jesus in her tummy, the only woman who became pregnant without having sex.

I wanted to be positive, not negative. Sex is beautiful, safe and natural, if you are married. When a person is a virgin on their wedding night, it is a gift for their spouse. It is special. Dannah Gresh encourages moms to daydream with girls about their future prince and to teach our boys to be a prince. I love that. I always tell my daughter – look for someone who treats you as good as Daddy, and I encourage my son to be just like Daddy.

It was also important to discuss the consequences of sex outside of marriage — shame, guilt, pregnancy and disease. I did not provide detail, at this age, about specific diseases.

I promised to always love them, no matter what. But, we are striving for the life God wants. Our choices should honor Him. By following God’s ways, our life will be less complicated.

At this point, we’ve discussed body parts and terms, but not specifically how they go together. I warned about listening to kids at school. I assured them they could ask me anything. I am their safe place.

It was the conversation I had been dreading, but turned out to the best talk we’ve ever had. It served as the foundation for many ongoing discussions. I learned the sex-talk is not a one-time conversation.

I’m not an expert, just a mom trying to figure it out. Can you help? In the comment section below, please share resources that helped you.

Also, I want to include this additional note:  If you are ashamed of your past mistakes, you’re not alone. We’ve all messed up. We’ve learned, and we’re praying our children make better choices. Ask for forgiveness, let go of the guilt! Please listen to this four-minute broadcast with Dannah Gresh:

Focus on the Family with Dannah Gresh

17 thoughts on “Talking to my Kids about Sex”

  5. I took each of my daughters (between ages 10-12) on a special weekend away to cover the material in Passport to Purity by Dennis Rainey. The structure of the book/CDs was so helpful for me. We had great conversations, laughs and made memories I will treasure forever. I was so grateful they got to hear “the talk” from me and the truth of God’s beautiful plan for them as they mature.

    At the end of the weekend, we had a special dinner and I gave them a ring to help them remember how much they are loved and to stay pure for marriage. Here is the link to the material.

    http://www.familylife.com/passport2purity?gclid=CIPWjqfN3rYCFYHe4Aodf3kAzQ#.UXVY-iugkkg

    Reply ↓

  9. I’m no where near that stage, right now, since my oldest just turned 4. However, I love the resources by Dannah Gresh on this topic, especially for moms and “tween” and teen daughters. I was able to hear her speek last year at True Woman ’12 on topics similar to what’s in her books “How to Keep the Little in Your Girl” and “How to Keep the Good in Your Boy.” The “Secret Keeper Girl” website is excellent, as well–I love her positive, biblical, relational approach!

    Reply ↓

  10. Tammy commented on Sozo | daily encouragement for women:

    I’m no where near that stage, right now, since my oldest just turned 4. However, I love the resources by Dannah Gresh on this topic, especially for moms and “tween” and teen daughters.Read more…

    Reply ↓

  11. Tammy commented on Sozo | daily encouragement for women:

    I’m no where near that stage, right now, since my oldest just turned 4. However, I love the resources by Dannah Gresh on this topic, especially for moms and “tween” and teen daughters.Read more…

    Reply ↓

  12. Tammy commented on Sozo | daily encouragement for women:

    I’m no where near that stage, right now, since my oldest just turned 4. However, I love the resources by Dannah Gresh on this topic, especially for moms and “tween” and teen daughters.Read more…

    Reply ↓

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  14. What a God-honoring, family-honoring post, Mandy. Beautifully written, beautifully handled. What are the dates of this summer’s course? I think I would enjoy this study and hope it fits into our summer schedule! Thanks again for sharing how you sought His wisdom and blessed your daughter because of your obedience and relationship with Him. What a precious gift, this relationship we have with our daughters!!

    Reply ↓

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